The following would be the reaction of different types of Canadian soldiers upon encountering a snake in a theatre of operations:
Paratrooper: Kills the snake.
Armor: Runs over the snake, giggles and looks for more snakes.
Infantry (RCR): ?Look a putty cat. Come here kitty. Ouch! Hey that?s not a kitty cat.?
Infantry (R 22e R) : ?Tabarnack! Me see snake. Me like snake. Ouch! Me no like snake?.
Infantry (PPCLI) : Plays with the snake, then eats it.
Artillery: Kills the snake, but in the process, kills several hundred civilians with a massive time-on-target with three artillery brigades in support. Mission is considered a success, and all participants are awarded Orders of Military Merit (including cooks, mechanics, clerks, etc.)
Pararescue: Wounds the snake in the first encounter, then feverishly works to save the snake?s life.
JTF 2: Expends all ammunition and several grenades and calls for a tactical air strike in a failed attempt to kill the snake. Snake bites the JTF 2 Commander and retreats to safety.
Air Force Combat Controller: Guides the snake elsewhere.
Canadian Ranger: Follows the snake and gets lost.
Sea King Pilot: Has GPS grid to snake. Can?t find snake. Has engine failure and barely makes it back to base. Goes to the Officer?s Mess for some sort of drink called ?The Snake.?
Military Intelligence: ?Snake? What? Where? Huh??
Military Police: Arrests the snake, then spends two hours trying to handcuff it. Snake escapes.
Combat News Reporter: Sees the snake 200 meters away. Writes an in-depth article in ?Maple Leaf? on snakes. Minister of National Defense reads the article and states that ?Canadian Forces are better equipped to deal with snakes than they were in the Gulf War.? Then he cuts the military budget another 50% and gives large pay increases to senior officers.
More Canadian Military humor:
From A Soviet Document: ?One of the serious problems in planning against Canadian doctrine is that the Canadians do not read their manuals nor do they feel any obligation to follow their doctrine.?
A German General Officer: ?The reason that the Canadian Army does so well in wartime, is that war is chaos, and the Canadian Army practices chaos on a daily basis.?
Anonymous 1st Canadian Division Staff Officer: ?If we don?t know what we are doing, the enemy certainly can?t anticipate our future actions!?
*runs*
