Survive That Attack! Redux edition

[ACES_HIGH]

I posted this game a couple of days before The Great BCC Crash of 2017, here we go again.

This is a game I've seen on a few forums, and I thought it'd be fun to try here.


Here's how it works,
First someone has to come up with a creative attack against the next poster, who must somehow come up with a creative way to dodge said attack and then attack the next poster in turn.

Example:

User1: I throw a rabid mountain lion at the next poster

User2: puts on suit of armor to protect themselves against the mountain lion and pushes the next user off a cliff.

User3: grabs conveniently placed shrub in cliff face to stop his fall and drops a chainsaw on the next poster.

The goal of this game is to come up with as many unique attacks and defenses as possible.
While it's ok to deflect an attack on the next poster if you see an opening, we shouldn't have pages and pages of rabid mountain lion attacks, try to keep things unique.

Teh Rulez!

• No personal attacks.  We're all supposed to have fun here, so keep it civil.
• No targeted attacks.  All attacks should be directed at "the next poster," whomever that may be.  no attacking specific users.
• No using other players as weapons.  Don't use another poster, their corpse or their reanimated zombie to attack the next poster.
• No using other players as human shields.  Don't use another poster, their corpse or their reanimated zombie to protect yourself against an attack.
• An attack must be answered.  You can't ignore or decline an attack, if you can't think of a defense, don't post.
• There is no rule against sacrificial/suicide attacks.  While you should "survive" the previous poster's attack, there is no reason you need to survive the result of your own.

Also, only post if you are making a move, and please make both a defense and an attack in the same post.

So, let me start us off here:

I throw a radioactive iguana at the next poster.

[ECGadget]

I use a quantum mirror to get away from the iguana, bringing back the raptors from some strange alternate reality where they were occupying this post to let loose on the next poster.

[ACES_HIGH]

I lure the extra-dimensional Velociraptors into a freezer with steaks and lock the door.  Then I tell Batman that the next poster killed his parents.

[00awesome]

I jump into a vat of acid and become the Joker, and since "We're destined to this forever", he'll never kill me. I then drug Superman with a drug (no duh) that makes him think that the next poster is a nuclear missle that must be thrown into space.

[ACES_HIGH]

(I thought I'd wait until someone else posted, but i guess this got buried)

I put on my Kryptonite underpants so that Superman can't touch me,

and then I lock the next poster in a room with a horde of Belters exposed to the Protomolecule.

[Bren]

I identify which one was infected first, connect to the remnant of their humanity with my charming nihilistic rogueishness, and convince the PM to inexplicably hurl asteroids at the next poster.