Bridge Commander Central
Recreational Forums => Art Forum => Topic started by: Cpt. Brahms on August 27, 2011, 10:47:20 PM
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I've had this idea in my head for several years now, refining it up to this point. I wanted to share it with the world.
This first post is the overview of the whole thing, including main character info and short Biographies. More to come soon.
So without further ado...
Star Trek: Atlas
Outline and Character info
Storyline: Two years after Star Trek: Nemesis, the Cardassians are on the rise again, attacking ships and conquering settlements. A new ship, captain, and crew are called upon to counter this threat, while also handling a first-contact and defusing a war between two new races.
Characters:
Nathaniel Taylor Brahms
Allegiance: United Federation of Planets (Starfleet)
Rank (Status): Captain
Race: Romulan (Human Raised)
Age: 26 Human Years.
Ship: USS Atlas - Galaxy Class Oden Refit (aka Galaxy X Class, test subject for Triton warp core project; Heavy Battlecruiser)
Bio: Captain Brahms is the sole survivor of the Romulan colony ship Angelius, destroyed by a Cardassian strike force twenty-four years ago when he was two years old. He was rescued in one of Angelius' escape pods by the USS Lakota in his dead mother's arms, and raised by the Brahms family on Earth. He progressed through school admirably despite racial suspicions and stereotypes, and later joined Starfleet Academy with his friends Ivan Rampley and Jared Crowler at his side. The group was a sort of triad in his view, loyal to each other since their school days. However, when they started at the academy, they drifted apart, and eventually were separated when they got their first postings. Brahms' first posting was the chief science officer on the Sovereign, after the Maelstrom incident when Miguel Diaz resigned the position. Shortly after he was on board the Sovereign for his first time, it was attacked by the one remaining ship of house Arterius, the captain and Commander Saffi Larsen killed in the initial assault. Brahms then took up command and saved the Sovereign, while also destroying the aggressor. This earned him Starfleet's highest Medal of Honor and the promotion to Captain of the Atlas, a position he's proud to have.
Draconis Sky'thonar
Allegiance: Jrekkon Unity Clan
Rank (Status): Battle Chieftain
Race: Jrekkon (Lifespan: 7,000 Human Years)
Age: 1,652 Human Years
Ship: Jrekkon Blade Cruiser - Heaven's Ray (Advanced Jrekkon Spaceship design with a particle blade ramming weapon; Heavy Captial Ship)
Bio: Draconis, a young Jrekkon male, is part of his people's Unity Clan, and the son of the late General Nihos Sky'thonar, a famed freedom fighter. He and his family were onboard an unarmed clan transport, the Serenity, when it was attacked by his father's sworn enemy, Emperor Wraitan Zeriah of the Martirio. His father and mother gave their lives to help him and his older brother escape the siege. Later in life, when Draconis got his first command, his brother vanished. Rumors say he was assimilated by the Borg, but the truth is uncertain. He follows in his father's footsteps, defending his race and many other against the Martirio Empire.
Anasazi Zeriah
Allegiance: Martirio Empire
Rank (Status): Prince of Hierarchy?s royal family, next in line for the throne
Race: Martirio (Pureblood Royal) (Lifespan: 500 Human Years)
Age: 256 Human Years
Ship: Martirio Yamato Dreadnought - Death Blazer (Main Martirian ship of choice for combat situations; Equipped with a powerful beam cannon capable of cracking a planet in two)
Bio: Anasazi is the young, ever-confident, and impatient son of Empeor Wraitan Zeriah. He has grown to despise his father and his ?old ways?, claiming that his leadership has not advanced the empire in two centuries. He is an innovative thinker, and a technical genius, responsible for the design of the empire's most powerful weapon: The Yamato Cannon.
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As a fanfic author, it's always nice to see new authors on the block, the back story seems interesting, I can't wait to read the actual story.
The only nitpick is 26 seems young for a captain, he's only been out of the academy for 5 years. The Captain in my stories is in his late forties, having received his first command in his mid thirties, rather prematurely, I might add. I hope you've got a good story behind his.
Edit: I guess I missed that part of your post, LOL :picardfacepalm:
I hope you do a good job expanding on that in your story.
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As a fanfic author, it's always nice to see new authors on the block, the back story seems interesting, I can't wait to read the actual story.
The only nitpick is 26 seems young for a captain, he's only been out of the academy for 5 years. The Captain in my stories is in his late forties, having received his first command in his mid thirties, rather prematurely, I might add. I hope you've got a good story behind his.
Edit: I guess I missed that part of your post, LOL :picardfacepalm:
I hope you do a good job expanding on that in your story.
I'm just glad he killed off Saffi lol
I too can't wait to see more
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Draconis Sky'thonar seems really interesting, but you may have made Anasazi Zeriah a bit too uber-talented and powerful... :D
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I'll work on that. They Martirio aren't really invincible anyway. Phasers pierce their shielding and hull plates like paper mache'
Edit: I also should tell a bit about Dracons and Anasazi's people:
Jrekkon are carbon-based, and look like a mix between a Kessok and an anthromorphic dragon. They have two horns that jut out of the back of their heads, and grow to be eight feet tall. They have wings comparable to Gargoyles, and studded ridges running down their backs. Also, their claws can extend and retract by one foot in length, and their bodies are strong enough that they can claw their way through a reinforced duranium wall three feet thick, and still be able to fight. Their ideals and traditions can be compared to Klingons, only Jrekkon views are much more extreme. If someone has slighted them or someone of their family or clan, their traditions and laws state that the one who slighted them must be killed immediately, and in the most painful, gruesome fashion imaginable. Sometimes this is even done on public display, as a sort of ritual to damn the accused and give retribution to the slighted. Even though they posses beam weaponry, they prefer close range combat with sonic amplified swords, as the only way to truly gain honor in their society is to sustain great injury in battle and live to tell the tale.
Martirio are small and agile, with red skin, blue eyes, two sets of eyelids, and birght-colored hair in unorthodox natural colors like orange and purple. They only grow to a maximum height of three feet. Berserkers are augmented to grow up to five and a half feet tall. Some compare them to an "Evil version of master Yoda." Martirio are also carbon-based lifeforms, and are incredibly smart and sophisticated. Half of their population are engineers and researchers, revealing new technology on a daily basis. Martirio ideals greatly revolve around progress and technological advancement, but that doesn't make them weak: Their polaron beam cannons outclass even the Borg in firepower, and they have cloaking devices better than the Scimitar. But their most deadly weapon to date is the Yamato Cannon, a beam cannon capable of cracking a planet in half. Their tendency to research weaponry clearly states them as a very aggressive race, which they have continued to prove over the years.
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I'm just glad he killed off Saffi lol
I too can't wait to see more
It was my pleasure to get rid of the buck-son businesswoman slash b**ch. :woot:
Edit: Moderators, forgive my language... :picardfacepalm:
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It was my pleasure to get rid of the buck-son businesswoman slash b**ch. :woot:
as long as the death was slow and painful..... VERY slow.
that story should be in a prequel, or like a flashback part.
i would read over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over untill i commit it to memory.... then read again.
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Real nice story line you got going, and thank GOD you killed of Saffi, ugh what a bitch she was.... (excuse the language)
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you killed Saffi? okay, now I gotta read this :P
wait a minute, where's the link?
makes me wanna drop my poly-species ones in again...alt-earths are kinda a tradition in trek :P
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It's a WIP. :banghead: The Prologue is getting close to done, I'll post it as soon as I can. :D
Also, be on the lookout for my drawing of Draconis and Anasazi. Then all of you will have a concrete idea on what they look like.
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(http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/240/1/4/atlas___anasazi_zeriah_by_mctuner-d485ndr.jpg)
Picture of Anasazi Zeriah
(http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/240/b/7/atlas___draconis_sky__thonar_by_mctuner-d485n7u.jpg)
Picture of Draconis Sky'thonar
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don't forget to throw together a concept sketch for these guys ships.
I have a suggestion for part of the crew on that Gal X. there's a certian 1/4 romulan from the early days of TNG that might be a nice nod.
btw...would Saavik have anything to do with this anywhere? ;)
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I'll work on that. They Martirio aren't really invincible anyway. Phasers pierce their shielding and hull plates like paper mache'
Edit: I also should tell a bit about Dracons and Anasazi's people:
Jrekkon are carbon-based, and look like a mix between a Kessok and an anthromorphic dragon. They have two horns that jut out of the back of their heads, and grow to be eight feet tall. They have wings comparable to Gargoyles, and studded ridges running down their backs. Also, their claws can extend and retract by one foot in length, and their bodies are strong enough that they can claw their way through a reinforced duranium wall three feet thick, and still be able to fight. Their ideals and traditions can be compared to Klingons, only Jrekkon views are much more extreme. If someone has slighted them or someone of their family or clan, their traditions and laws state that the one who slighted them must be killed immediately, and in the most painful, gruesome fashion imaginable. Sometimes this is even done on public display, as a sort of ritual to damn the accused and give retribution to the slighted. Even though they posses beam weaponry, they prefer close range combat with sonic amplified swords, as the only way to truly gain honor in their society is to sustain great injury in battle and live to tell the tale.
Martirio are small and agile, with red skin, blue eyes, two sets of eyelids, and birght-colored hair in unorthodox natural colors like orange and purple. They only grow to a maximum height of three feet. Berserkers are augmented to grow up to five and a half feet tall. Some compare them to an "Evil version of master Yoda." Martirio are also carbon-based lifeforms, and are incredibly smart and sophisticated. Half of their population are engineers and researchers, revealing new technology on a daily basis. Martirio ideals greatly revolve around progress and technological advancement, but that doesn't make them weak: Their polaron beam cannons outclass even the Borg in firepower, and they have cloaking devices better than the Scimitar. But their most deadly weapon to date is the Yamato Cannon, a beam cannon capable of cracking a planet in half. Their tendency to research weaponry clearly states them as a very aggressive race, which they have continued to prove over the years.
This is very well and good, seems like two evenly-matched races! (tho outclassing the Borg is a bit :facepalm:)
Now what about this?
"Jrekkon Blade Cruiser - Heaven's Ray (Advanced Jrekkon Spaceship design with a particle blade ramming weapon; Heavy Captial Ship)
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This is very well and good, seems like two evenly-matched races! (tho outclassing the Borg is a bit :facepalm:)
Now what about this?
"Jrekkon Blade Cruiser - Heaven's Ray (Advanced Jrekkon Spaceship design with a particle blade ramming weapon; Heavy Captial Ship)
Jrekkon particle blades are basically balades with an sonic/energy amplifying field. They can be used as swords (look at the blade on Draconis' arm) or on their starships as a ramming weapon. They are capable of punching straight through a Federation Starbase without sustaining damage. Unfortanately, this system is prone to easily overheat and takes a while to cool down, so timing is critical.
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Jrekkon particle blades are basically balades with an sonic/energy amplifying field. They can be used as sword, or on their starships as a ramming weapon. They are capable of punching straight through a Federation Starbase without sustaining damage.
So it would look like a huge blade coming out of a starship? :muahaha:
Sounds yummy. Would be kind of a pain to pull back out tho ;)
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So it would look like a huge blade coming out of a starship? :muahaha:
Sounds yummy. Would be kind of a pain to pull back out tho ;)
True...
Edit: By the way, the ship itself is blade-shaped.
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This is really starting to excite me! Keep going :thumbsup:
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True...
Edit: By the way, the ship itself is blade-shaped.
designs? drawings? this would sound like an awesome ship to build
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wait, a thousand years before the United Federation of Planets? How'd he get the coffee? It hadn't even been invented a thousand years before the federation.
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there IS a problem, here, concerning the "illegally imported human coffee"
1161-the Arabs are rather busy consolidating their captures, even if they have discovered the coffee plant
1200-1300 tea hasn't made it over from china yet (just the huns and the Plague), let alone coffee (which, btw, Islam hoarded to itself for a while, I believe)
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oh! Whops... :picardfacepalm: wasn't really thinking of that. Guess I'll change it to beer instead. :D
Thanks on catching me for that one. :thumbsup:
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Guess I'll change it to beer instead. :D
i like beer :thumbsup:
much better :funny
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as much as I like beer (and coffee!) the reference seems out of place, unless you're going to explain it later.
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as much as I like beer (and coffee!) the reference seems out of place, unless you're going to explain it later.
I will.
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And now for Brahms' prologue, and Saffi's death :evil:
USS SOVEREIGN ? ORBIT OF OMEGA DRACONIS KESSOK COLONY
THREE MONTHS AFTER LEGATE MATAN'S DEFEAT
Lieutenant-Commander Brahms sat at the science station on the bridge. He was still nervous about this first posting. Of course, it was a great privilege to be able to serve on a Sovereign-class vessel, but it still meant you had a lot to uphold. Especially if the captain is considered a local hero in the region.
?Hey kid!? Brex piped up. ?You ok? You look like your going to hurl!?
This caught Commander Larsen's attention. ?Brahms, do you need to go to sickbay??
?Oh! No, Commander!? Brahms immediately snapped to attention. ?I-I'm just still trying to absorb the fact that I-I-I got assigned to the Sovereign. She's uh... gathered quite a rep...?
?Very well, but try not to regurgitate anything on the bridge.? She cut him off flatly.
?Now Saffi,? The captain said, hinting at annoyance. ?What did I tell you about giving him some slack? He's fresh out the academy!?
?With all due respect, ma'am, that's what bothers me. ? Commander Larsen challenged. ?He still has a lot to learn.?
The captain pinched the bridge of her nose for a minute. Then, she turned to Brahms.
?What the Commander is failing to say is 'don't worry, we've all been in your position.' Just treat this like your academy drills and everything will be fine, Lieutenant.?
Brahms sighed, a little relieved. ?Yes, sir.? He didn't understand why the Commander was such an over-tight prude when it came to crew matters, but it seemed she had an extra stick up her rear just for him. He was starting to get all those jokes the crew told about her ?Missing her cycles.? He also began to feel the same way he felt when he started through school on earth. Everyone thought him to be some sort of psycho or something, just because he was a Romulan. Even when they knew he hardly knew anything about Romulans in general, himself being human-raised. But he brushed it off like he did in school, and focused on operating the science station. That's when something caught his eye.
?Captain, I'm picking up a vessel warping in. It's configuration is Cardassian! It's a Hutet Dreadnought ! From the former House Arterius!!?
?RED ALERT! BATTLESTAIONS!? The captain barked, bolting out of her chair to tactical. ?Felix, defensive posture! Kiska, alert the colony's defenses! Brex! Shields! NOW!? The crew's response to the captain's orders was so streamlined and quick, they might have set a record.
?Kessok cruisers are moving in, captain.? Brahms reported. ?They're in blockade formation, ready to defend!?
?We're being hailed, sir.? Kiska reported.
?On Screen.? The captain said. On the bridge of the Hutet was Legate Matan himself!
?Matan!? Saffi stood up. ?What are you doing here?! You're supposed to be dead!?
?Oh, am I?? He said sarcastically. ?You mean the sensors on your powerful Sovereign didn't pick up my escape craft? Looks like I overestimated your ship from the beginning. But enough on explanations. Time to finish what was started!? The transmission cut, and the Hutet started firing continuous volleys of high-speed torpedoes at the Sovereign! The deck shook from the impacts.
?Shields are at 67% and falling!? Felix said. ?Starting evasive pa...? Before Felix could finish, the deck bucked up violently, throwing the captain into the ceiling, and Commander Larsen into the status panel behind the captain's chair! The panel shattered, electrocuting her as she screamed! The captain then fell to the floor, blood pouring from her fractured skull.
?CAPTAIN!!!? Brahms vaulted over his console, running to the captain. ?BREX, CUT POWER FROM THAT PANEL!?
Brex didn't need to be told twice. The panel died, and Larsen fell down to the floor, glass shards and circuit fragments sticking out her chest and abdomen. A crewman on the bridge ran over and checked her pulse. He frowned.
?Brahms, she's dead...?
?Felix, continue evasive!? Brahms barked. He checked the captain's pulse. She was still alive, but barely. ?Brahms to sickbay, medical emergency!?
No response. Brahms tried to remain calm, tearing off the arm of his uniform and applying pressure to the captain's wound. ?Sickbay, acknowledge! Brahms to Engineering! DAMMIT, SOMEONE RESPOND!!?
?System Alert! Complete internal ship-wide communications failure! Com systems are offline!? The computer voiced. Brahms began to panic. ?Crewman, get me the bridge medical kit! Now!?
?Brahms...? The captain opened her eyes.
?Shh, stay still captain. You've been injured...?
?Where's ...Commander Larsen??
?She's dead, sir.? Brahms explained as a crewman got out the medical tricorder. ?She was thrown into a console. There was nothing we could do...?
?Brahms... You have... Command... Stop Matan...? She started to go limp in his arms.
?Brahms, we're losing her!?
?No! Crewman, 30 milligrams catirozine!? He injected the captain with the hypospray.
?No effect! She's flat-lining!?
?Cortical Stimulator!? They applied the stimulator. ?Now!?
The captain convulsed, then went limp again.
?Again!? Another jolt. Nothing.
?Captain, don't give up on me! Again!?
A final jolt, but no effect. Brahms felt his heart wrench. This can't be! She can't be dead!
?No. Captain...? He didn't even get to tell her how he truly felt about her.
?Brahms? What should we do?!? Brex panicked.
?What??
?She left you command, Brahms!? Kiska said. ?You have the conn. If you can't handle it, give to someone who can!?
It then hit him. Hit him like a quantum torpedo. For the first time since the Kobayashi Maru, Brahms was scared. He wasn't sure if he could cut it! What if he made a mistake? A mistake that could cost the lives of the entire crew? And the colony?
But then his thoughts went back to his beloved captain. He looked at her, sleeping eternally in his arms. This wasn't fair! She didn't deserve to die like this! That phrase kept going through his head. Then, he made his choice.
?I'm sorry.? He whispered. He gently laid the captain down on the deck, and walked over to the captain's chair. He slowly sat down.
?Brex, ship status.? Brex hesitated, stunned.
?BREX!? Brahms snapped. ?That's an order!?
Brex snapped to attention. ?Internal ship communications are down, forward shields have failed! We have a hull breach on deck 9, force fields are holding.?
?Lieutenant Savali, tactical status of the Hutet and the Kessok blockade.? Brahms said. His face was as serious and hard as granite.
?The Hutet is trying to break the blockade with it's firepower. They've focused all their shield emitters on their forward shield.?
?Come about, Felix!? Brahms ordered. ?Ready Phasers and Quantum Torpedoes! Target their warp core, full volley!?
?Core targeted, sir. We're in position.? Felix reported.
?Fire at will!? Brahms said, scowling at the viewscreen's image of the Hutet. The Sovereign then unleashed it's fury of phasers and torpedoes on the unsuspecting vessel. The torpedoes impacted the hull, while the phasers pierced it.
?We've hit their core! It's destabilizing!? Felix reported. ?They have a breach!?
?Back us off!? The Sovereign and the Kessok then distanced themselves from the Hutet, as it exploded in fury.
?...The Hutet has been destroyed, sir.? Felix reported.
?We're being hailed by the Kessok colony. They send their thanks and gratitude for our help.? Kiska said.
Brahms sighed. He got up out of the chair. ?Brex, I'm sorry that I snapped. I was tense. Please get the internal com back online. Kiska, contact Admiral Liu. Re-route it to the ready room. I'll be there if anyone needs me. Felix, you have the bridge.?
With that, he walked over to the ready room. Once inside, he collapsed at the desk and cried.
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you may have killed saffi, but you also killed everyone who's ever played Bridge Commander!!
talk about "dropped the bridge on her" (and vice versa)
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Good to see the bitch saffi die in a gruesome way, whoever wrote that character deserves the same fate.
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I Like it...but how the heck did he get Lt. Commander straight out of the academy...That's something I would like to know. ;)
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yeah, that's quite a jump in the ranks for a first cruise officer.
I thought I should also point out that the Bridge Commander manual refers to the player/captain as a male in the backstory, but that's not a big deal.
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:funny Well, I just wanted to mix it up a bit, so I made the captain a "she." ;)
Plus, Brahms got some favor to get to Lt-Cmdr. The Brahms family is a very prestigious Starfleet family to the core. :salute2:
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One quick thing I need to ask:
Does it have good drama? :idk:
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well, it could use more, you dealt with that Hutet pretty quick for a dreadnaught.
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well, it could use more, you dealt with that Hutet pretty quick for a dreadnaught.
Noted. I'll try not to keep things short next time. Thanks for the feedback. :thumbsup:
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I've added a poll, and wanted to spoil everyone with an image of one of the scenes from later on. The challenge for the throne when Anasazi has to select two people to fight at his side in the battle.
(http://www.deviantart.com/download/255830156/atlas____the_challenge_by_mctuner-d48bbt8.jpg)
Anasazi: I choose the Starfleet captain and the Jrekkon! Your days are at an end, "father!"
Brahms has that "We're gonna kick your ass" look. I love it! :yay:
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Your image appears to be dead.
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They're fine on my end...
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Noted. I'll try not to keep things short next time. Thanks for the feedback. :thumbsup:
Its not that it's too short, it could be longer, but my point was that you blew up a dreadnaught with a single volley of quantum torpedoes. Hutets are supposed to be powerful enough to destroy a small planet.
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They're fine on my end...
Might just be Chrome related problem.
Hutets are supposed to be powerful enough to destroy a small planet.
As can every other Trek vessel.
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:funny Well, I just wanted to mix it up a bit, so I made the captain a "she." ;)
Plus, Brahms got some favor to get to Lt-Cmdr. The Brahms family is a very prestigious Starfleet family to the core. :salute2:
technically speaking, he wouldn't need to be that highly ranked to be placed in command in this situation, with Miguel and Saffi out of the picture, the highest ranking officer (other than your character) is Felix, and he's only a lieutenant, Brex is actually a Chief Petty Officer even though they refer to him as an LCDR throughout the game. It wouldn't be too unbelievable for a cadet to be given the rank of LT out of the academy (Kirk graduated with this rank) and it's not too much of a stretch for Saffi to choose your character over Felix if they are the same rank.
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technically speaking, he wouldn't need to be that highly ranked to be placed in command in this situation, with Miguel and Saffi out of the picture, the highest ranking officer (other than your character) is Felix, and he's only a lieutenant, Brex is actually a Chief Petty Officer even though they refer to him as an LCDR throughout the game. It wouldn't be too unbelievable for a cadet to be given the rank of LT out of the academy (Kirk graduated with this rank) and it's not too much of a stretch for Saffi to choose your character over Felix if they are the same rank.
Wasn't really thinking of that... :picardfacepalm: Forgot Brex was a Chief Petty officer...
I'll make him a Lieutenant then.
Also, some things have come up and I may not be online for while. I'm moving to a new place, and have to find a new net service. I'll try my best to keep in touch with the site, and continue to work on this for the community. I really want people to read this, and haven't shown it to many people.
I will continue on this, and do my best to update as much as I can. Probably from a coffee shop wi-fi or something, but I won't let this just die.
I will be back. AS TOM from Toonami said, "Stay gold."
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Greetings again, BC Faithful.
I finally have my net back. I am working on chapter one, which will be called "First Contact: Squared." Where Brahms gets the Atlas, and on a mission encounters Draconis and Anasazi.
To make the wait more bearable, I've thrown together a little poster.
Check it out.
FYI, the blonde guy is Ivan Rampley. He gets command of the USS Prometheus under circumstances that are classified as top-secret.
(http://www.deviantart.com/download/263094832/star_trek__atlas___poster_by_mctuner-d4cn19s.jpg)
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what poster? :P
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sorry, I just fixed the link. :funny
PS: Forgive my bad redo of the galaxy class bridge viewscreen...
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Re-did the prologue to clear up some issues, both with the timeline and references. Also, to make it canon, I've made the Sovereign's captain a man instead, and he is Brahms's role model. Also, I am doing the first chapter as quickly as I can. It will be here.
PROLOGUE
UNITY CLAN TRANSPORT ?DIVINITY?
ALPHA NATARI SYSTEM
200 YEARS BEFORE THE UNITED FEDERATION OF PLANETS...
Lieutenant Draconis Sky'thonar and his family ran down the decks of the Divinity in their mad dash to the shuttle bay. The ship had fallen into a trap of the Martirio Emipre, let by Emperor Wraitan Zeriah. The Martirian whom held a grudge against his father, Nihlos, for destroying their Yamato dreadnought prototype before it's completion, among other things. Martirian Berserkers and landing parties were overrunning the ship, taking prisoner every Jrekkon they could find. If they fought back, they were either killed or vaporized by polaron disruptors. The Sky'thonar family already had a few close encounters already. So many soldiers on leave had sacrificed themselves to help them escape. The general was considered the Unity Clan's most important asset, and needed to escape alive at any cost.
?The escape shuttles are in here!? Nihlos input the codes for the shuttle bay, but the doors didn't open. Frustrated, he tore the door down. A fatal mistake.
On the other side of the door were Martirio Berserkers, and his sworn enemy. In the flesh.
?Surprise!? Wraitan laughed sarcastically, an electrified dual-blade in his hands. ?Did you really think it would be that easy, fool??
?The only fool here is you!? Nihlos roared, unsheathing his two-handed sonic-amped sword. ?Ziha, take the children to one of the shuttles!?
?You can't take them all, Nihlos!? Ziha argued.
?Don't worry, Ziha. Berserkers are as dull as a rock-fashioned blade, I can handle them. As for Zeriah, he can't fight what he can't see, and power has blinded him for centuries...? He then threw a flash flare, blinding his opponents, and charged. It didn't take long until the odds had been evened. Ziha, Draconis, and his brother, Commander Thri'gon had boarded a shuttle in the confusion, starting it up. Nihlos felt the adrenaline rush through him, feeling great satisfaction as he impaled the last Berserker on his sword, his flare dying out. This was turning out better than he first thought: Avenging the Divinity's crew, killing Martirio Berserkers, saving his family, and gaining a few honorable battle scars in the process. Not bad for a day. Victory was his...
?Father, behind you!? Draconis yelled, but by then it was too late. Wraitan jumped up on his back, stabbing him through the chest with his dual-blade. The pain from the electricity was so great, Nihlos couldn't even yell. He dropped to his knees, losing the grip on his sword, pain displayed on his features as blood from one of his hearts ran down over his uniform. Wraitan smirked. He killed the blade's electric field, and ran one of his fingers over the open wound on Nihlos's chest as it dripped drops of his silver-colored blood on the floor.
?Who says vengeance isn't sweet?? He licked some of Nihlos's blood of his hand, then put his mouth next to his head. ?You should have known better than to cross me in the first place, Jrekkon. Now you, this ship, and your family will pay the price!?
?NO!!? Ziha drew two short swords from under her tunic and charged. ?I WON'T LET YOU!!?
?No, Mother!? Draconis started after her, but Thri'gon held him back. ?Let me go! He'll kill them both!?
?It's too late!? Thri'gon snapped, and hit a panel, shutting the door.
?What are you doing?!? Draconis yelled.
?Ensuring someone will avenge them!? Thri'gon snapped, getting ready to blow down the bay doors. ?We will kill Wraitan, Draconis. Together. It's what they would want! It's what we need to do! If we don't survive, no one will avenge them or the Divinity!?
And with that, the bay doors were blown open, and the shuttle took off into warp before the Martirio ships could react. Draconis then thew his older brother out of the chair, and started to punch his brother in a rage, screaming ?You coward!? over and over, before he finally broke down in despair. Father was all he had. All that he had cared about. Now he was gone...
MARTIRIANA ? HOME WORLD, GAMMA QUADRANT
FIVE WEEKS AFTER NIHNOS' DEATH
Young 20-year old prince Anasazi paced up and down the landing pad, more agitated by the second as his royal guard watched, the bottle of martirian spirits not helping his mood. He received reports that his father had been severely injured in his raid on the Divinity, and his Battlecruiser, Executioner, was on course for home four weeks ago. Now, his father was being shuttled down to the planet. Honestly, Anasazi could care less about his father's injuries. Personally, he wished he'd died. His quest to kill Nihlos and his ways of thinking were so outdated in his opinion. So outdated in fact, that the Empire was starting to regress under his father's leadership. Others would agree with the prince, but never spoke it in pubic for fear of execution. Wraitan was a power-hungry control freak. The only way for him to succeed his father would be if his father died, which he had hoped when he first received the message. Unfortunately, that hope had evaporated into thin air a couple days later. He made a mental note to later 'revoke' the rights of the medics whom saved his father. He then noticed the shuttle landing, and did his best to retain his annoyance and displeasure, disposing of the spirits. He guessed Wraitan would live. For now...
USS SOVEREIGN ? ORBIT OF OMEGA DRACONIS KESSOK COLONY
THREE MONTHS AFTER LEGATE MATAN'S DEFEAT...
Lieutenant Brahms sat at the science station on the bridge. He was still nervous about this first posting. Of course, it was a great privilege to be able to serve on a Sovereign-class vessel, but it still meant you had a lot to uphold. Especially if the captain is considered a local hero in the region.
?Hey kid!? Brex piped up. ?You ok? You look like your going to hurl!?
This caught Commander Larsen's attention. ?Brahms, do you need to go to sickbay??
?Oh! No, Commander!? Brahms immediately snapped to attention. ?I-I'm just still trying to absorb the fact that I-I-I got assigned to the Sovereign. She's uh... gathered quite a rep...?
?Very well, but try not to regurgitate anything on the bridge.? She cut him off flatly.
?Now Saffi,? The captain said, hinting at annoyance. ?What did I tell you about giving him some slack? He's fresh out the academy!?
?With all due respect, sir, that's what bothers me. ? Commander Larsen challenged. ?He still has a lot to learn.?
The captain pinched the bridge of his nose for a minute. Then, she turned to Brahms.
?What the Commander is failing to say is 'don't worry, we've all been in your position.' Just treat this like your academy drills and everything will be fine, Lieutenant.?
Brahms sighed, a little relieved. ?Yes, sir.? He didn't understand why the Commander was such an over-tight prude when it came to crew matters, but it seemed she had an extra stick up her rear just for him. He was starting to get all those jokes the crew told about her ?Missing her cycles.? He also began to feel the same way he felt when he started through school on earth. Everyone thought him to be some sort of psycho or something, just because he was a Romulan. Even when they knew he hardly knew anything about Romulans in general, himself being human-raised. But he brushed it off like he did in school, and focused on operating the science station. That's when something caught his eye.
?Captain, I'm picking up a vessel warping in. It's configuration is Cardassian! It's a Hutet Dreadnought ! From the former House Arterius!!?
?RED ALERT! BATTLESTAIONS!? The captain barked, bolting out of his chair to tactical. ?Felix, defensive posture! Kiska, alert the colony's defenses! Brex! Shields! NOW!? The crew's response to the captain's orders was so streamlined and quick, they might have set a record.
?Kessok cruisers are moving in, captain.? Brahms reported. ?They're in blockade formation, ready to defend!?
?We're being hailed, sir.? Kiska reported.
?On Screen.? The captain said. On the bridge of the Hutet was Legate Matan himself!
?Matan!? Saffi stood up. ?What are you doing here?! You're supposed to be dead!?
?Oh, am I?? He said sarcastically. ?You mean the sensors on your powerful Sovereign didn't pick up my escape craft? Looks like I overestimated your ship from the beginning. But enough on explanations. Time to finish what was started!? The transmission cut, and the Hutet started firing continuous volleys of high-speed torpedoes at the Sovereign! The deck shook from the impacts.
?Shields are at 67% and falling!? Felix said. ?Starting evasive pa...? Before Felix could finish, the deck bucked up violently, throwing the captain into the ceiling, and Commander Larsen into the status panel behind the captain's chair! The panel shattered, electrocuting her as she screamed! The captain then fell to the floor, blood pouring from her fractured skull.
?CAPTAIN!!!? Brahms vaulted over his console, running to the captain. ?BREX, CUT POWER FROM THAT PANEL!?
Brex didn't need to be told twice. The panel died, and Larsen fell down to the floor, glass shards and circuit fragments sticking out her chest and abdomen. A crewman on the bridge ran over and checked her pulse. He frowned.
?Brahms, she's dead...?
?Felix, continue evasive!? Brahms barked. He checked the captain's pulse. He was still alive, but barely. ?Brahms to sickbay, medical emergency!?
No response. Brahms tried to remain calm, tearing off the arm of his uniform and applying pressure to the captain's wound. ?Sickbay, acknowledge! Brahms to Engineering! DAMMIT, SOMEONE RESPOND!!?
?System Alert! Complete internal ship-wide communications failure! Com systems are offline!? The computer voiced. Brahms began to panic. ?Crewman, get me the bridge medical kit! Now!?
?Brahms...?? The captain opened his eyes.
?Stay still captain. You've been injured...?
?Where's ...Commander Larsen??
?She's dead, sir.? Brahms explained as a crewman got out the medical tricorder. ?She was thrown into a console. There was nothing we could do...?
?Brahms... You have... Command... Stop Matan... That's an.... order...? He started to go limp in his arms.
?Brahms, we're losing him!?
?Crewman, 30 milligrams catirozine!? He injected the captain with the hypospray.
?No effect! He's flat-lining!?
?Cortical Stimulator!? They applied the stimulator. ?Now!?
The captain convulsed, then went limp again.
?Again!? Another jolt. Nothing.
?Captain, don't give up on me! Again!?
A final jolt, but no effect. Brahms felt his stomach wrench. This can't be! He thought. He can't be dead!
?No. Captain...? He couldn't believe it. The one person he looked up to was now gone.
?Brahms? What should we do?!? Brex panicked.
?What??
?He left you command, Brahms!? Kiska snapped. ?You have the conn! If you can't handle it, give to someone who can!?
It then hit him. Hit him like a quantum torpedo. For the first time since the Kobayashi Maru, Brahms was scared. He wasn't sure if he could cut it! What if he made a mistake? A mistake that could cost the lives of the entire crew? And the colony?
But then his thoughts went back to his honored captain, his hero. He looked at him, dead in his arms. This wasn't fair! He didn't deserve to die like this! That phrase kept going through his head. Then, he made his choice.
?I'll make you proud...? He whispered. He gently laid the captain down on the deck, and walked over to the captain's chair. He slowly sat down.
?Brex, ship status.? Brex hesitated, stunned.
?BREX!? Brahms snapped. ?That's an order!?
Brex snapped to attention. ?Internal ship communications are down, forward shields have failed! We have hull breaches on decks 9, 10, and 11! force fields are holding. We have moderate damage to the main deflector and the shield grid has been damaged. The foreward shield emitters are offline!?
?Lieutenant Savali, tactical status of the Hutet and the Kessok blockade.? Brahms said. His face was as serious and hard as granite.
?The Hutet is trying to break the blockade with it's firepower. They've focused all their shield emitters on their forward shield. The don't have any shielding on any other section.?
?Come about, Felix!? Brahms ordered. ?Ready Phasers and Quantum Torpedoes! Target their warp core, full volley!?
?Core targeted, sir. We're in position.? Felix reported.
?Fire at will!? Brahms said, scowling at the viewscreen's image of the Hutet. The damaged Sovereign then unleashed it's fury of phasers and torpedoes on the unsuspecting vessel. The torpedoes impacted the hull, while the phasers pierced it.
?We've hit their core! It's destabilizing!? Felix reported. ?They have a breach!?
?Back us off!? The Sovereign and the Kessok then distanced themselves from the Hutet, as it exploded in fury.
?...The Hutet has been destroyed, sir.? Felix reported.
?We're being hailed by the Kessok colony. They send their thanks and gratitude for our help.? Kiska said.
Brahms sighed. He got up out of the chair. ?Brex, I'm sorry that I snapped. I was tense. Please get the internal com back online. Kiska, contact Admiral Liu. Re-route it to the ready room. I'll be there if anyone needs me. Felix, you have the bridge.?
With that, he walked over to the ready room. Once inside, he sat behind the desk and slowly started to cry.
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Here's some concept sketches for Draconis's and Anasazi's ships for those who requested it. :)
(http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/293/a/b/jrekkon_blade_cruiser_by_mctuner-d4dg5nn.jpg)
Heaven's Ray - Blade Cruiser
(http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/293/8/e/yamato_dreadnought_by_mctuner-d4dg604.jpg)
Death Blazer - Yamato Dreadnought
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those are some very powerful ships.
I noticed that they are from the gamma quadrant, what would their relationship with the Dominion be like? I can't see the Founders allowing such a powerful civilization to exist in their sphere of influence, unless they are part of the Dominion.
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Truth is, they don't get along. The Dominion fought the Martirio Empire and lost. So the Dominion were forced to sign a treaty that they would give the Martirio access to their weapons caches and data, and act like the war never happened.
As for the Jrekkon, they are a solitary race, and don't like engaging in first contact unless absolutely necessary, despite their gifted negotiation skills, aggressive or not. They prefer to keep to themselves, and only keep in contact with their own and rival clans. Gamma quadrant races consider them only a myth.
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by the way, any one think they could make these ships for bc? would be interesting to see. The colors of their hulls are as follows:
Martirio: Red hull plating with orange stripes around the turrets
Jrekkon: Steel-colored hull plating with purple tribal-like stripes along the port and starboard sides of the ship
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I don't want to sound mean, but you probably won't have much luck getting someone else to make that for you. Most people here don't take requests because they are too busy with their own projects.
Also, be careful with these designs. If they were BC ships, they would be very close to what would be considered "god-ships." As a fellow fanfic author, I can attest that one or two boss ships every so often is ok as long as it serves the plot, but you do not want to give all your bad guys Uber-ships. Likewise you don't want to make your hero ship too powerful either, what's the challenge if you have a superweapon that can annihilate the enemy dreadnaught in one shot. Remember what happened to the Borg on Voyager, the cube went from the ultimate baddy that could roll over entire fleets to fodder that could be defeated in droves by a single ship on a daily basis. Try to strike a balance. I take a lot of inspiration from the battles in the Re-imagined Battlestar Galactica.
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okay, the Heaven's Ray is plausable. Anybody that grew up in the same quadrant as the Dominion's gonna be a bit beefed.
but the Death Blazer? it doesn't just scream God Ship, it screams Mary Sue! and "mary sues" originated in the Trek fandom.
Death Blazer also needs to be drawn from different angles to get a better idea. you've gotta think in 3d. also, can you at LEAST indicate where the bridges are?
you've also got to come up with a better Design scheme for both your species than just a few token bits. you've gotta literally create sets, more uniform and weapon designs, the appearance of their interfaces like consoles and such, even how they lay down the hull plating (that would be important to any moddelers)
when your creating a world, you have to make ALL the little details, up to the blood chemistry! (after all, if anyone gets injured enough to bleed, we have to know what color it is)
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lol ok noted.
And yes, I know death blazer screams mary sue... :P it's for the lols I guess
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Sorry for the long wait. here it is!
CHAPTER 1
FIRST CONTACT: SQUARED
PART 1
DEEP SPACE NINE
THREE WEEKS LATER...
Lieutenant Brahms walked along the promenade, his personal belongings in his knapsack. It had been three weeks since the ?repeat? indecent at Omega Draconis with Matan. They had held a service for the Soveregn's former captain, and re-instated her with a new one. Meanwhile, they had been taking shore leave here on the Station. Brahms was also being transferred to another ship. Which one, however, he didn't know. He was heading over to Quark's, as the bridge crew had a small party planned, to boost morale. There was also going to be a surprise for him. He wondered what it would be as he walked in.
?Hey, Brahms!? Brex called out, the surviving bridge crew of the ordeal around a table. ?Over here!?
?How are things, Brex?? Brahms asked with a smile. ?Enjoy your leave??
?Yeah. Thing is, we got some good news and some bad news...?
?Okay, give me the bad news first.? Brahms said.
Brex pointed behind him. To three people he didn't notice when he walked in. People he should have noticed.
Major Kira, Admiral Janeway, and Captain Jean-Luc Picard.
?You're being transferred today. You're ships's due any minute, and that's just the start...? Kiska said, starting to cry.
?Liutenant! At attention!? Janeway said. Brahms was at attention in a snap. Then, Brahms got the shock of his life: Janeway got out a box with captain's pips and a new-style comnbadge!
?With the power invested in me and Starfleet Command, I, Vice-Admiral Kathryn Janeway, promote and commission you, Nathaniel Taylor Brahms, to the rank and status of Captain. Congratulations, and god have mercy on your soul.? She pinned the pips on his collar and swapped his badge. ?Your former captain would be proud of you.?
?Admiral... with all due respect, what ship am I getting command of?? Brahms managed to ask
She pointed out of one of the windows to a docking ring. A federation ship was de-cloaking! It was umbelivable! The new Oden-Class Galaxy ?X? Refit!
?The USS Atlas!? He gasped.
?With the latest in technological breakthroughs and upgrades the Federation has to offer.? Picard explained. ?Equipped with the new Triton warp core, bio-neural technology, camouflaged ablative armor, advanced weapons, including a phaser burst cannon, phase-quantum torpedoes, and renerative, mutating anti-Borg shields, along with other things, including the finest crew starfleet could assemble. And she's all yours.?
?I'm gonna miss you, man!? Brex sobbed. ?Even though you were only with us a short time, you were still a great guy to hang around with!?
?Let's have a toast.? Felix said, trying to keep his composure. ?Everyone! A toast to the new Captain of the USS Atlas, Captain Brahms! May fortune follow him and never fade!?
?May fortune follow him and never fade!? The bar echoed, toasting with their glasses.
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I don't believe that Picard would give a technological rundown of a ship- that's the job for an engineer or a brief conversation from another crewmember during a shuttle ride to the new ship (think of Voyager or ST:TMP). Also, the "former Captain" should have a name.
I believe the next part of the story would be the introduction of the new crew, brief discriptions of the U.S.S. Atlas's rooms/ship stuff, and starting the actual story. The story so far isn't bad, but there might be some minor tweaking with conversations.
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ok thanks for the feedback wiley :thumbsup:
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since Janeway's got her "bumped upstairs" admrilship...that means Nerys should be at Colonel level.