Much better. (Model wise.)
The nacelles need to be moved up to clear the saucer, as we know they now are. It would look great then.
Of course, if you want to try and get it accurate to the screenshot, I think that the secondary hull on your model need moving forward a bit. From the screenshot that was released, it looks as if the deflector is about level with the sensor array at the bottom of the saucer.
(Move the nacelles up though and I prefer your version.)