Author Topic: Funny / Awesome Stuff / Youtube Vids Thread  (Read 455064 times)

Offline Aeries

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Re: Funny / Awesome Stuff / Youtube Vids Thread
« Reply #420 on: August 12, 2008, 08:22:36 PM »
ROFLMAO!!! LOVE those two vids!

I'm pretty sure this one has been posted at some point, but here it is anyways...


Offline laguardia528

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Re: Funny / Awesome Stuff / Youtube Vids Thread
« Reply #421 on: August 13, 2008, 01:42:50 AM »
One day after a long oversea flight the pilot of flight J-155 got on the intercom to address the pasengers. What followed was the best in flight entertainment of my life.
:
"Ladies and Gentlemen we are approaching LAX and will be landing shortly, please prepare to buckle up and thank you for flying United Airways."
(Now, thinking he had switched off the intercom, he began to speak to the co-pilot.)
"Man, I hate these flights. First thing I do when we land is im gonna take a monster dump. Then I'm going to ask out that cute attendant that gave us coffee this morning; wine, dine and do her."

       The flight attendant listened with shock and made a move to run for the cockpit to avert any further expansion on the subject at hand, but tripped and landed in the isle. An old lady leaned over and said:
"There's no hurry deary, he has to take a dump first."

Offline laguardia528

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Re: Funny / Awesome Stuff / Youtube Vids Thread
« Reply #422 on: August 13, 2008, 01:45:07 AM »
Anyone who lives in a city with a graffiti problem will appreciate this....


Offline Judge King

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Re: Funny / Awesome Stuff / Youtube Vids Thread
« Reply #423 on: August 14, 2008, 12:15:37 PM »
Laser pwns child
Calvin grows up to be Frazz. The logical continuation of this is, of course, that Frazz then grows up to be Edward Norton's character from Fight Club. And thus, all four of these characters are gods.Let's go one more step. Calvin grows up to be Jeremy, who grows up to be Frazz, who grows up to be "Tyler Durden," while Suzie grows up to be Haruhi Suzumiya; since Kyon becomes The Doctor, this leads to the inescapable conclusion that after the end of Fight Club, Calvin becomes Captain Jack.

Offline Kirk

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Re: Funny / Awesome Stuff / Youtube Vids Thread
« Reply #424 on: August 14, 2008, 12:41:36 PM »
O.O That would freak the hell out of me!

Offline 1DeadlySAMURAI

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Re: Funny / Awesome Stuff / Youtube Vids Thread
« Reply #425 on: August 14, 2008, 02:09:30 PM »
S.H.I.T. TRAINING

In order to assure the highest levels of quality in the work place,
and productivity from our employees,
it will now be our policy to regularly train everyone through our longstanding program of
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.).

We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T. than other offices.
If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your supervisor.
You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list.
As you know, our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
Employees who don't take S.H.I.T. will be placed in the DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.).
Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to attend the supplemental program,
EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.).
Since your supervisors took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to take S.H.I.T. anymore.

Obviously, they are full of S.H.I.T. already.
If you are full of S.H.I.T. you may qualify for the supervisory or training position,
either giving S.H.I.T. to fellow employees or training other to take S.H.I.T.
We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).
Those of you who become skilled in B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs and eventually
apply for a promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).
If you have any further questions, please direct them to:
HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING. (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you, BOSS IN GENERAL, Special High Intensity Training (B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)

Offline Billz

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Re: Funny / Awesome Stuff / Youtube Vids Thread
« Reply #426 on: August 14, 2008, 05:36:21 PM »
Laser pwns child


BOOM! Headshot!!!

lol
Can't wait for 2014 to start.

Offline laguardia528

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Re: Funny / Awesome Stuff / Youtube Vids Thread
« Reply #427 on: August 14, 2008, 09:35:39 PM »
A lawyer was heading home from a fishing trip when he realized that he was half an hour from forgetting his anniversary. So to make sure he got home in ample time, he quickly but the fish he had caught in a gift bag (so he wouldn't be empty handed) and began to speed home. Unfortunatley for him there was a man who decided it was his job to catch all the speeders near the bridge. Needless to say the lawyer was pulled over, believing it was a cop.

When the man got a good look at the man's clothing (covered in fish guts) and the bag of fish in the passenger seat, he became disgusted with the man and exclaimed :
"Geez sir, you smell like death! You're such a bum, thinking you own the street. I bet you don't even have a job you wreckless bastard."

The lawyer, keeping a calm head, realized that it was just some busy body. So he looked the man straight in the eye and said, "Actually sir, I do. I'm a rectum stretcher."

"A what?"

"A rectum stretcher. See, someone calls me up and says they need to be stretched. I head over, the ask the to bend over. I start with one finger, then two, and work up to the whole hand, then slowly the other one untill its six feet across."

The man, with his head FILLED with these images shook his head and asked "What would you do with a six foot asshole?"

The lawyer said, "Simple, stick him by a bridge and give im a speed gun."

Offline JimmyB76

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Re: Funny / Awesome Stuff / Youtube Vids Thread
« Reply #428 on: August 15, 2008, 07:35:36 AM »
Simple, Ululating, Satan-Loving Folks

"The United States of America is engaged in a war against an extremist group of folks."

- Dubya, McLean, Virginia, August 15, 2006


158 Days Left!

Offline Senator

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Re: Funny / Awesome Stuff / Youtube Vids Thread
« Reply #429 on: August 15, 2008, 10:49:43 PM »
And now its time for some Monty Python:


Offline JimmyB76

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Re: Funny / Awesome Stuff / Youtube Vids Thread
« Reply #430 on: August 18, 2008, 07:43:15 AM »
Why Is This Man Talking??

"Tribal sovereignty means that; it's sovereign.  I mean, you're a - you've been given sovereignty, and you're viewed as a sovereign entity.  And therefore the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between sovereign entities."

- Dubya, Washington, D.C., August 6, 2004


155 Days Left!

Offline Senator

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Re: Funny / Awesome Stuff / Youtube Vids Thread
« Reply #431 on: August 18, 2008, 04:49:15 PM »
After a preacher died and went to heaven, he noticed that a New York cab driver had been awarded a higher place than he.

"I don't understand," he complained to God. "I devoted my entire life to my congregation."

"Our policy here in heaven is to reward results," God explained. "Now, was your congregation well attuned to you whenever you gave a sermon?"

"Well," the minister had to admit, "some in the congregation fell asleep from time to time."

"Exactly," said God, "and when people rode in this man's taxi, they not only stayed wake, they even prayed."

Offline 1DeadlySAMURAI

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Re: Funny / Awesome Stuff / Youtube Vids Thread
« Reply #432 on: August 18, 2008, 05:13:40 PM »
Next Time You See A Black Guy, Hit The Floor!

On a recent weekend in Las Vegas, a woman won a bucketful of quarters at a slot machine. She took a break from the slots for dinner with her husband in the hotel dining room. But first she wanted to stash the quarters in her room. "I'll be right back and we'll go to eat," she told her husband and carried the coin bucket to the elevator.

As she was about to walk into the elevator she noticed two men already aboard. Both were black. One of them was tall...very tall...an intimidating figure. The woman froze. Her first thought was: These two are going to rob me. Her next thought was: Don't be a bigot; they look like perfectly nice gentlemen. But racial stereotypes are powerful and fear immobilized her.

She stood and stared at the two men. She felt anxious, flustered and ashamed. She hoped they didn't read her mind but Gosh; they had to know what she was thinking!!! Her hesitation about joining them in the elevator was all too obvious now. Her face was flushed. She couldn't just stand there, so with a mighty effort of will she picked up one foot and stepped forward and followed with the other foot and was on the elevator. Avoiding eye contact, she turned around stiffly and faced the elevator doors as they closed. A second passed, and then another second, and then another. Her fear increased! The elevator didn't move. Panic consumed her. My God, she thought, I'm trapped and about to be robbed!

Her heart plummeted. Perspiration poured from every pore. Then one of the men said, "Hit the floor." Instinct told her to do what they told her. The bucket of quarters flew upwards as she threw out her arms and dove to the elevator floor. A shower of coins rained down on her. Take my money and spare me, she prayed.

More seconds passed. She heard one of the men say politely, "Ma'am, if you'll just tell us what floor you're going to, we'll push the button." The one who said it had a little trouble getting the words out. He was trying mightily to hold in a belly laugh. The woman lifted her head and looked up at the two men. They reached down to help her up. Confused, she struggled to her feet. "When I told my friend here to hit the floor," said the average sized one, "I meant that he should hit the elevator button for our floor. I didn't mean for you to actually hit the floor, ma'am."

He spoke genially. He bit his lip. It was obvious he was having a hard time not laughing. The woman thought: My God, what a spectacle
I've made of myself. She was humiliated to speak. She wanted to blurt out an apology, but words failed her. How do you apologize to two perfectly respectable gentlemen for behaving as though they were going to rob you? She didn't know what to say. The three of them gathered up the strewn quarters and refilled her bucket.

When the elevator arrived at her floor they then insisted on walking her to her room. She seemed a little unsteady on her feet, and they were afraid she might not make it down the corridor.

At her door they bid her a good evening. As she slipped into her room she could hear them roaring with laughter as they walked back to the elevator. The woman brushed herself off. She pulled herself together and went downstairs for dinner with her husband.

The next morning flowers were delivered to her room - a dozen roses.

Attached to EACH rose was a crisp one hundred dollar bill. The card said: "Thanks for the best laugh we've had in years." It was signed; Eddie Murphy, Michael Jordan

Offline Aeries

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Re: Funny / Awesome Stuff / Youtube Vids Thread
« Reply #433 on: August 19, 2008, 12:23:41 AM »
Aww. Cute story. :)

Here's my contribution:


Offline JimmyB76

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Re: Funny / Awesome Stuff / Youtube Vids Thread
« Reply #434 on: August 19, 2008, 07:32:25 AM »
Houston, We Have A Problem

"Before its collapse in 2001 in one of the biggest corporate scandals and bankruptcies in history, no company was more closely tied to the Bush administration, or stood to gain more from Bush-Cheney energy policies, or had more say in shaping those policies, than Enron, the Houston energy and commodities trading conglomerate.  Enron and its executives were Bush's biggest campaign contributors."

- Jack Huberman, The Bush-Hater's Handbook


154 Days Left!

Offline JimmyB76

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Re: Funny / Awesome Stuff / Youtube Vids Thread
« Reply #435 on: August 20, 2008, 07:05:27 AM »
"Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing.  Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain."

- Jon Stewart, April 2003


153 Days Left!

Offline ChronowerX_GT

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Re: Funny / Awesome Stuff / Youtube Vids Thread
« Reply #436 on: August 20, 2008, 08:01:04 PM »
Some funny and saucy ST adverts Virgin 1 have been showing. I love the Klingon one. "He fight's like a ferengi!"


Having a smoking section in a restaurant is kinda like having a peeing section in a pool...

Offline Kirk

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Re: Funny / Awesome Stuff / Youtube Vids Thread
« Reply #437 on: August 20, 2008, 08:46:48 PM »
:D

gclark03

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Re: Funny / Awesome Stuff / Youtube Vids Thread
« Reply #438 on: August 20, 2008, 10:25:35 PM »


Worf has the answer...he must have eaten the right book beforehand.

Offline captain_obvious

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Re: Funny / Awesome Stuff / Youtube Vids Thread
« Reply #439 on: August 21, 2008, 06:04:38 PM »


It's a **** in a box  :arms:
I miss :bigdance: